my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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