you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
