Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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