The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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