Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
