Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
