apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
