she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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