Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm having to shit out rocks
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