my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
