Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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