everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
