Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
