Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My ATM looks so different sober.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
