make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
