Nicole vs. Life
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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