So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am one with the molecules
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
