my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
