We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
