he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
