I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
