Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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