Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
