I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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