Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
