When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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