can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
