Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
