You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
