He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize