I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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