i think i have herpe
just one?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
