too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
