I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
