Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
wow bdsm is so cute
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