My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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