I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
