I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
