Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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