she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
