what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
