We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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