she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
