I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
