got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
