Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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