he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
