Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
