On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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