I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
