I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
