he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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