My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
