did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
