So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
