new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
