There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
