sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize