Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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