i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
