we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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