yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
