You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
