I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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