Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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