Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize