I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
