Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize