She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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