I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
