i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
