update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
