Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
